Right now i feel like i hate some people. I guess hate is a strong word...as strong as love, i think. So i suppose i don't really hate them at all, but i really dislike them, let's say.
I feel this way because i also love them. I love them and i don't think they love me. Either they don't know how to love or they won't let themselves love or they're too busy loving someone else.
But i am me and i've let myself love them and they are them and for whatever reason they don't seem to love me anymore. And they are different individuals and they each have hurt me in an individual way. And i am hurting and i don't know how to help myself.
I don't know how to stop loving someone i fell so hard for and messed me around so much;
I don't know how to stop loving someone who i had such a strong friendship with, and who then decided to build himself a wall, of which i was on the opposite side;
And i don't know how to stop loving someone who i feel takes me for granted and maybe never loved me in the first place.
I am so terribly sad. And so very angry. Angry at them, for making me feel so awful, and angry at myself, for loving them in the first place; for making myself so vulnerable. For letting them do this.
I am at a loss, i have no idea what to do. Do i carry on hating and being angry and resentful? Do i take the moral high road and carry on loving them and being the best friend that i can be, even though i'm not going to get that in return? Or do i just do the hard thing and face the music, that this is how it is, and this is something i'm going to have to deal with and overcome? I don't know.
I do love them.
It hurts.
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